Saturday, May 07, 2011

Living Dangerously

According to medical researchers in the Netherlands, there are eight triggers of daily life that can raise the risk of a rupture for those with existing brain aneurysms. These triggers raise the blood pressure for about an hour after the activity, and thus increase the pressure on the aneurysm.

This is only problematic if you are one of the 2-3% of the population who has a brain aneurysm, and then, only .00009% of those may experience a rupture. Unless you've had a brain scan recently, you might never know if you have one of these little buggers lurking. Like we don't have enough to worry about these days.

Since my mother had a stroke a couple of years ago, I read this news report with interest, although we still don't know what exactly caused my mother's stroke. So, I read the list and it is full of daily (okay not ALL of them daily - make your own guesses here) life activities.

Let me count the ways I live dangerously, according to this study anyway.

Get up, have a cup of coffee - 10.4% increase in risk. Still okay? Okay, I'll have another and another. Hey, they didn't say how many cups of coffee, did they?

Blowing your nose increases the risk by 5.4%, so with a spring cold and allergies kicking in, 5.4% increase about, oh 75 times a day. Still kicking.

Vigorous exercise ups the odds by 7.9%. Today that won't be a problem. Although exercise does give me more energy, and I need a little lift. Soda pop gives you a 3.5% bump up, but I don't drink soda - score one for me! Feeling smug about that one, I pour myself another cup of coffee. Yeah, I know - 10.4% again. Que sera sera.

Since I'm a wife, mother and teacher, very little in life spooks me. Which is a good thing because being startled jolts you up another 2.7%. I guess there are benefits to having seen it all, or most of it anyway. However, my birthday is near and I'm not opposed to a fun surprise or two - wiling to risk it. Hint, hint honey.

After all that coffee, I gotta go potty. Luckily, peeing doesn't raise my risk at all. Although, at some point, everybody poops - up another 3.6% if you're not fibered up. You're just going to have to wonder on this one - I have a few lines of privacy left that I won't cross; today anyway. I think I'll grab an apple for a snack, you know for insurance. Can't hurt.

Even though it's the weekend, it's still early in the day. For those of you inclined toward some afternoon delight, beware! You're lusty dalliance just spiked your odds up another 4.3%. There's always a price to pay for indulging in pleasure, huh? I'm assuming that is an averaged percentage because a lot depends on, well you know. Still, I am nothing if not discreet. Actually, I'm rarely discreet, but like I said - it's still early in the day.

Frankly, this whole study kind of pisses me off. It sensationalizes that which we already know. Living, my friends is dangerous and leads to death. Dammit; up another 1.3%.

I don't entirely trust a study that says my odds of dying are greater by drinking coffee, exercising, having sex, relieving myself, blowing my nose and being surprised than they are by getting pissed off several times a day.

I guess I'm just a high-flying risk taker at heart. Bring it!

Now, where's my box of tissues? Bring me another cup of coffee too - yeah, I'm a badass.


Bach said...

Hilarious! I especially enjoyed it after going to a Dermatologist this week for my itchy, bledding skin on my legs. He said to stop shaving for six weeks and see if that helped. Go hairy just before summer. Sounds great. Oh, and if that doesn't work, try knee-high support hose. I'm 38! I'll itch until I bleed thank you very much!

bookworm said...

Just walking on the sidewalks of our upstate NY community can caused a sprained ankle. If you fall, that raises risk 1.4%. And, while taking pictures of trees in spring bloom, a branch could fall on your head, leading to a 2.95% increase in risk. And instead of shaving my legs I use Nair...breathing that stuff in rots my brain I don't know how much%. Anyway, I got my laugh of the day. Thank you!

Lisa said...

Ha ha! Very witty, thanks for the breath of fresh air.