Let's pretend that I have a great idea for a topic to write about tonight! While we're at it, let's pretend that I have plenty of time to think about this flipping fantastic topic and solitude in which to write spectacular words of wisdom.
Then, let's pretend that the prose is so incredibly witty, wonderful and wise that it becomes one of those little ditties that gets copied and pasted and sent around Facebook and Twitter, over and over until I become something of an urban legend. Or, let's pretend, that as with all urban legends, my name gets lost in the translation and this is somehow then attributed to someone who knows how to handle their online presence - someone like say Ashton Kutcher.
Let's pretend that I'm too busy to realize that my words have been usurped, not by Ashton himself, but by the masses, eager to give Ashton praise for being oh so clever and coy. He will deny having written such inane drivel and try desperately to clear up this whole stupid mess.
What? DRIVEL???????? Oh now Ashton, you've gone too far - you've gone, like, two and a half times tooooooooooooo far! I'll have my people call your people and we will stop all of this right now.
Let's pretend I had my own "people" to call anyone's people, and if I had them, I'm sure they would want to be paid for their "people-ness". In order to pay them, I would have to have written so many other things of substance and worth, not just quippy little bits picked up by non-paying online sites. If I were writing those, I would likely not have time to have written something that would make social media rounds, and be attributed to celebrity tweeters.
So, you see my conundrum?
Maybe Ashton could get me a deal on one of those cameras he promotes? And, we'd get to be great friends and Demi would give me all her secrets for how to stay so slim and gorgeous. If we're pretending, let's also pretend I'm younger than her....I said we are pretending.
Like I said, let's pretend I have a great topic to write about tonight. Although, I'm sure using Ashton Kutcher's name in and of itself is likely to get me some extra Google hits and make this a self-fulfilling prophecy of the social media kind.
Let's pretend anyway...